


I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye

by OllieCollie



Category: SEAL Team (TV)
Genre: 2x13, Brotherly conversations, Brothers, Episode Tag, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Near-Death Experience, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:33:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22012639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OllieCollie/pseuds/OllieCollie
Summary: He watched as Clay worked his jaw slowly. Silence fell between them again, this time for only a few heartbeats. Then Clay spoke. "I…dang it, Sonny. You almost died."Episode tag to 2x13, Time to Shine. Sonny and Clay have a brotherly talk about the events that recently transpired.
Comments: 15
Kudos: 67





	I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everybody! I just want to take a second and say thank you so much for the warm welcome I received on my last fic! You guys are so awesome, and I'm glad to be a part of such a great fandom. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy this fic just as much. It's based on what happened to Sonny in 2x13, Time to Shine. I'm sure all the guys had a lot of emotions to deal with after such a close call, and the idea for this fic has been playing around in my mind for a long time. Hopefully I wrote the guys in character well enough. ;)
> 
> Drop a comment and share your thoughts! Thanks for reading! :)

Clay had been awful quiet lately. And if the mouthy blond Ken Doll was quiet, it meant something was wrong. In all honesty, they should've picked up on it sooner. They should have realized. 

It had been over a week. A whole two weeks, actually, since Sonny had nearly drowned in that freakin', claustrophobic torpedo tube that none of them wanted to see the inside of again.

He'd been extremely lucky. The medics on the sub and then the doctors at the hospital had marveled at the lack of after-effects or permanent damage, considering the SEAL had been deprived of air for as long as he had and then been shocked back to life. According to Ray, it was nothing less than a miracle.

Well, Sonny wasn't exactly a religious man, but even he had to admit that _someone_ up there must've been lookin' favorably upon him. 

Whatever the reason, he was still alive and kicking, although he would be perfectly content to never see a body of water larger than a goldfish pond again.

Sonny tried not to dwell on the time he had spent trapped in the stupid tube, but sometimes, when he was in bed and everything was silent, the sensation of water lapping at his cheeks—echoing as it splashed against the sides of the tube—crept up on him. He'd jerked awake more than once, desperate to catch his breath after reliving the few minutes he'd still been conscious after running out of air.

It had been a rattling experience for all of them. Sonny hadn't missed the fact that the guys had been a lot more careful with their teasing lately—and they hadn't made a single joke about his fear of water since the incident. 

But Clay…Clay had been unnaturally quiet since they'd rescued Sonny. Although for Clay Spenser, quiet definitely didn't meant silent. He still joked and messed with his brothers, still cockily inserted his two cents in nearly every conversation. But there were also too many times that he _didn't_ say anything, too many perfect opportunities to hurl insults at the guys—Sonny in particular—that he didn't take. The haunted look that appeared in the kid's eyes every so often when they made eye contact didn't slip past the barrel-chested Texan, either.

Sonny was torn between wanting to ask the kid straight up about it and letting him work it out on his own. He knew that if he pushed, Clay was liable to shut down completely, shoot him one of his charming, "I'm fine" smiles, and go about his merry way.

So the older SEAL had left it alone for a few days, hoping whatever it was that was bothering the youngest member of Bravo would correct itself after Clay was able to brood for a while. However, the team was now on their way home from the first op since the sub incident—which had gone pretty well, all things considered—and the kid was still moping around like a sad puppy who'd been kicked.

Sonny had just jolted awake from another not-so-pleasant dream—or rather, memory—somehow managing to avoid toppling out of his hammock in the process. He blinked a few times, trying to clear his head. His gaze caught on Clay, sitting in one of the seats that ran along the edge of the plane. A familiar orange object was clutched in his hands.

Sonny hauled himself out of the hammock, aching muscles protesting. He didn't know if Jason was aware of the change in Clay over the past couple of weeks—although their perceptive team leader didn't miss much of anything—but Sonny decided it was about time someone did something about it.

Clay briefly glanced in Sonny's direction as the Texan lowered himself in the seat next to him. 

"Hey," Sonny greeted, recognizing the Longhorns cap that the kid held in his hands. Clay nodded in response. Silence fell across the plane, save for the snoring coming from basically every one of the sleeping guys.

A few minutes passed before Spenser finally shifted, his eyes still on the hat in his hands. "Something wrong?" he questioned.

Sonny scratched at his thick beard. "Well, I don't know. You tell me. Keep on lookin' at me like you think I'm gonna drown all over again—"

"Stop."

The snapped command had Sonny glancing up, surprised. He watched as Clay worked his jaw slowly. Silence fell between them again, this time for only a few heartbeats. Then Clay spoke. "I…dang it, Sonny. You almost died." The words were quiet and full of emotion. His head tilted slightly upward, those blue puppy-dog eyes connecting with Sonny's gaze. "Do you know what it felt like, sitting out there, _knowing_ you were trapped in that freaking water-logged tube—and not being able to do a thing about it?"

Sonny felt his breath catch. Of course he had thought about the fact that his brothers had been out there…but he had glossed over the fact that once the sub had been set to silent and they'd been given a no-go on cutting him out, they'd been stuck waiting, waiting, _waiting_. Knowing that their teammate was going to drown. And all they could do was wait, a stupid metal hatch the only thing separating them from their brother.

Clay sniffed, his gaze shifting back to look straight ahead. "It messed me up, man. Having to say goodbye…it just wasn't right."

Sonny remembered the emotion that overwhelmed him almost as badly as the water had. Hearing Jason hold back tears as he spoke over the radio. Ray's quick, emotion-filled "I love you." 

And Clay. The little brother Sonny never knew he wanted. The blond brat that had somehow managed to worm his way into the tough Texan's heart. If someone had told Sonny when Clay joined Bravo team that the two would become best friends, he would've laughed in their face. Because there was just no way the cocky kid was going to end up on Sonny's good side.

Despite the near panic attack he was having as the water rose higher, Sonny would never forget the tears he could hear in the kid's voice as he'd said his goodbye. The unspoken words that had passed between the two of them.

He wasn't exactly sure how to respond, so he waited. Hoped Clay would continue. He did.

"When we pulled you out of that tube, man…I thought we were too late." Clay rubbed a hand across his beard, his voice dropping to practically a whisper. "I thought we were too late." He glanced down at the Texan's lucky cap, choosing his next words. "We all know there's a chance one of us won't come back from a mission," he said. "But I never imagined I'd have to sit _right_ there, knowing you were gonna drown while I did nothing."

When the younger man let out a deep breath and dropped back against the seat, Sonny decided Clay'd said his piece, and it was now his turn. "Hey. I didn't die, right? Gonna take more than a little water to take this Texan down. Ain't no use in dwelling on the what-ifs." He knew Clay knew that, but maybe hearing it said aloud would help solidify it and help them both move on.

Something between a laugh and a sob tore from Clay's mouth, and he turned his head to compose himself. 

Now, Sonny wouldn't call himself a touchy-feely sort of guy, but he couldn't help the way his heart clenched at the raw emotion on the youngest Bravo member's face. 

Clay cleared his throat, his face still angled away from the other man. "I, uh, I dream about it. But, we…we don't get it open in time. And I just see you, lying there…" He trailed off, unwilling to finish the sentence—although he didn't have to. "You know, I'm always used to having something to fight," Clay admitted, looking anywhere but at Sonny. "But you being trapped…there was no one to go after. No enemy to shoot."

Sonny wasn't sure if Clay was being so open with him because he was finally able to get his feelings off his chest, or if it was a result of the fact that they'd just eaten dirt for two days straight in the Afghan desert and were worn to the bone. Either way, there was a vulnerableness in the kid that Sonny hadn't seen before, and the Texan wasn't sure how to respond. "I ain't goin' anywhere, princess," he finally said, his voice quiet but gruff. "You boys got me out, and I reckon I owe you for it. Like I said, there's no use in always wondering what might've been. It's over and done with. We move on." He didn't add that he hoped they never stepped foot on a submarine ever again.

Clay was nodding slowly, finally seeming to get the idea through that thick head of his.

"Besides," Sonny added, shooting his brother a sly smirk, "what would you do without me to help you pick up pretty girls or sing all them songs you hate?"

Clay laughed softly, brushing a hand across the lone tear tracking down his cheek. Sonny pretended not to notice, instead nudging Clay gently with his leg and moving out of what was bordering on deep, emotional territory. "Y'know, I reckon somethin' good did come out of the whole situation."

Clay looked up, curiosity managing to somewhat replace the tears that were shining in his eyes. "Yeah?"

"None of you boys have teased me once about water or sharks since that day."

A small smile formed on the kid's face; the first real one Sonny had seen in days. 

The Texan waited a moment, eyeing his teammate carefully. "You good?"

Clay inhaled deeply, sitting up straighter. "Yeah." His voice was stronger.

Sonny nodded and clapped the kid on the shoulder. "Good. Now give me back my lucky hat. We got a game tomorrow, and that thing needs to be on my head if them Texas boys are gonna get a win."


End file.
